INTRO

Welcome back to the Parallel Lines Project - the podcast where I separate fact from fiction and hopefully tell you an interesting story. I’m your host Mark Moldowan.

Que Theme Music

On this week’s podcast, History Eraser. Revisionism, denial, ignorance - call it what you will, but most people just don’t know much about history and it can be a problem. I’ll take a look at the ever growing trend of making shit up about our past in order to make stupid points about the present from Stephen Harper to Donald Trump. This one will get a little political soput on your thinking caps and please don’t email me about my biases. Then the recipe; this will actually be part one of a two-part recipe. I’m going to go a bit more simple today and teach you how to roast a damn good chicken. Hold on to your carcass too because next week we’re going over stocks and soups.

But first,

ACT 1 - CORRECTIONS, OMISSIONS AND GENERALLY SHOOTING THE SHIT.

Thanks for the feedback on the last show. I’m happy to see that there were no hiccoughs this time. It looks like the podcasting gods have finally smiled upon me. I’m also happy that I have yet to see any complaints regarding the content. A lot of people are ears deep into the MLM world and it hurts sometimes to hear the truth about their projects. People really dig the idea of fast, easy money and predators like NuSkin and Herbalife take advantage of this. I also want to make it clear that you aren't necessarily stupid for falling for these scams. MLM organizations are huge behemoths that employ very intelligent and convincing people to pimp their products. I know very intelligent people that have fallen for these schemes. Lapses in judgment are pretty common - especially if you’re in a tough place, like being unemployed.

I also want to point out a few other MLM scams that you might want to be aware of: ACN, Amway Global / Quixtar, BIM / Business in Motion, Efusjon, Fortune Hi Tech Marketing, IJango, Lyonesse Red Flags, Mannatech, PrePaid Legal, USANA Health Sciences, Visalus and YTB / Your Travel Biz are all blatant MLM scams. Please avoid them at all costs.

Now on to a lighter note before we dive head-first into today’s topic. I’m getting kinda sick of all of these Onion fake-news rip-off sites that are popping up everywhere. While the Onion has an impeccable writing staff with a sharp wit, most of these sites seem populated by unfunny, meme-regurgitating college students that wouldn't know funny if Mel Brooks dickslapped them in the face.

This week I read a really terrible article that originated from one of these satirical sites entitled “Man Killed 27 People After Being Transplanted Heart of Serial Killer.” Besides the headline gore and obvious lack of any originality whatsoever, the article made its rounds on social media. A quick fact-check would find the original article was from the World Daily News which has published many hilarious pieces of satire such as “George Lucas Admits C-3PO based off of Gay Friend” and “Yoko Ono Had Affair with Hillary Clinton in the 70’s.” Careful with that edge there. My sides.

I’m still not sure why these types of articles get so much traction on social media. Not only are they so unbelievable, but they don’t even read like proper news articles. Ah well, I guess shock value is still alive and well.

ACT 2 - HISTORY ERASER

Mark Twain once said something along the lines of “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” The more I read about history the more I’m not sure how true that is. You see, we are really under the impression that history is some grand narrative that culminates in today. We think we can see our past and learn about our future using it. It’s true history gives us a lot of insight into our present day, but it’s not as simple as reading a narrative and fitting it into our own views. People like to find patterns where there is none.

I’ll begin today’s topic by discussing a semi-recent news article. Donald Trump, AKA the Donald, AKA Trump, AKA Donald “the fascist” Trump has recently opened his new Trump International Golf Club in Sterling Virginia with a bit of fanfare since it will be hosting the PGA in 2017. The opening had all the theatrics you would expect from a crazy man with the world’s most impossible comb-over. On the course there’s a plaque that reads “many great American soldiers, both of the North and South, died at this spot,” the inscription reads. “The casualties were so great that the water would turn red and thus became known as ‘The River of Blood.’” Sounds super historic and crazy Mr. Trump.

Something smelt fishy to the local historians who began to question ‘the River of Blood’ plaque. Probably because the whole thing was made up out of whole-cloth. There was no battle in Sterling or at that site on the river. When pressed, Trump shot back “‘How would they know that?” Mr. Trump asked, when told that local historians had called his plaque a fiction. “Were they there?’” Well, it’s not like the American Civil War was an extremely recent and well documented war in historical terms. Oh wait. It was.

The whole thing reeks of anti-intellectualism and a profound lack of understanding of history in general. Trump isn’t even the only one who does this. Earlier this year during the debates regarding the confederate flag in the US, many people were coming out of the woodworks to whitewash history in order to prove their regional symbol had nothing to do with the evils of slavery. Hell, in 2012, this even happened in Canada.

The Harper government made a big deal about the 200th anniversary of the war of 1812. From watching the TV ads commissioned by the CPC you would have the impression that the war was a solidifying moment in the Canadian national identity. In reality, the War of 1812 was a small step in the long process of Canadian independence. Yes, if the Americans successfully annexed the British Colonies that would become Canada our country wouldn't exist, but that really is the extent of how much impact the war had on our identity.

First of all, the majority of soldiers fighting for “Canada” in the war were members of the British Expeditionary Force and were born and raised in the UK. They also did not settle here. They fought to protect a far-flung but strategically important colony in their globe-spanning empire.

The government also pressed hard the involvement of Tecumseh and his confederacy as a part of our history. In reality, Tecumseh was a brilliant military commander that saw the writing on the wall for all Native people of North America and decided to stage one last-ditch effort to save his people. With his death, his confederacy began to collapse and the British turned their back on their allies in order to cut a more favourable deal with the Americans. The whole thing is more of a lesson on how poorly we treated the First Nations than a triumphant tale of cross-racial harmony.

Ultimately this push to rewrite Canadian history to mimic our neighbours born-in-blood historiography failed. We didn't drink the kool aid and most people were turned off by the celebration.

These are more harmless examples of revisionism. When you start down this rabbit hole you start to understand where this kind of thought can lead - ideas like Holocaust denial and Armenian Genocide denial are the most extreme end of this spectrum.

People like to take something like history and shape it to fit their narrative. Because history, unlike the hard sciences, is sometimes up to interpretation people tend to run hog-wild with it. In reality, historical consensus is reached through thorough, unbiased research and debate among people who dedicate their lives to understanding the ebbs and flows of humanity.

It’s something someone with a bad combover and an MBA can’t really understand.

ACT 3 - THE RECIPE

Well that was thoroughly depressing. Now it’s time to ease the pain with delicious chicken. So it’s the first night of Hanukkah today and I feel like celebrating yet another Jewish holiday that celebrates our ancestors barely escaping total destruction with a delicious chicken recipe. Yeah, it’s not a traditional Jewish dish, but it’s a necessary start for next week's dish. Like I said, earlier, you’re going to have to keep the carcass of the chicken. Make sure to freeze it if you’re waiting more than a few days to use it. Roast Chicken is such an easy but important thing to master. You can do so much with it after you carve the meat off of it.

So to start off, you will need the following:

1 whole 3-4lb chicken

1 lemon

2 tbsp of olive oil

3 sprigs of Sage (I use purple sage from my garden)

Kosher Salt (this is important!)

Black Pepper

First, preheat the oven to 450°F. Rinse the chicken inside and out and pat dry with a paper towel. Make sure it’s really really dry. What you’re doing is preventing any sort of steam for forming around the chicken. This allows the skin to crisp up and lock in the moisture in the meat. Next, sprinkle the Kosher salt and Black Pepper over the chicken and inside the cavity. I can’t stress enough how important it is to use Kosher salt. Basically, the salt is ground in larger kernels which suck up any moisture on the skin. Let it rest for a minute to let the salt work it’s magic. Next, slice the lemon in half and shove inside the chicken. Then add two sprigs of sage stems and all into the cavity. Cross the legs together and tie tightly with kitchen twine. Then bend the wings under the back of the chicken. This is called trussing the bird and is important to do to cook the chicken evenly. Next, pick the leaves off the last sage sprig and coarsely chop them. Brush the chicken with olive oil being careful to keep as much f the salt on as possible. Then, sprinkle the sage over top of the chicken breasts. Place the chicken on a roasting rack in a pan then place in the oven. You can also just rest it in a cast iron skillet lined with root vegetables like carrots, potatoes and onions cut into bite-sized pieces.

Place that baby in the oven and roast for about 50-60 minutes or until the internal temperature of the thigh is at least 165°F. You can also pierce the skin, and if the juices run clear it is cooked and ready to go. Let it sit for 15 minutes then carve and serve.

Make sure to remove the crap stuffed inside the chicken carcass after carving it up and before freezing or refrigerating it. Then keep it for next time and I’ll tell you how to turn that carcass into another meal.

Well, that’s it for episode four of the Parallel Lines Project. Hope you enjoyed it. If you liked it please leave your comments and rate it on iTunes. You can also see the transcript and show notes at markmoldowan.com/podcast . All music on this podcast is under the creative commons license and was found at the Free Music Archive. Our theme song is Against the Wall by Boxcat Games, other music included two songs by the Freak Fandango Orchestra - Mundo Canabal and Requiem for a Fish.

Have a great week everyone, and keep it weird. And happy Hanukkah!